Paradroid

I went to London to see Jonathan Coulton with Tom and Leila last weekend. I met up with JPH after and went to a Haloween party as the ghost of James Dean. In retrospect, the corpse of James Dean could have been more fun but these ideas never come when you’re pressed for time and struggling to find a cheap, feasable costume in time. At least with Santacon, you’ve got time and a base from which to work from. This year, I’m going as Communist Santa!

“From each, presents according to his ability; to each, presents according to his needs.”

We saw Burn After Reading and I’m still not sure how I feel about it which is a possibly valid conclusion. Maybe I’m meant to sympathise with the CIA agents most of all. I don’t know. Maybe it needs another watch but I don’t feel especially inclined to just yet. The photography is great though, especially in the hallways. JPH and I also watched Gonzo, another Hunter S Thompson documentary.

I bought Portal: Still Alive, because I’m a sucker and I can’t get enough of it. Once I’d downloaded it, I started playing and thought “hold on, this is like the original… or is it suddenly going to change?” A couple of hours later, I’d completed the game again, baffled as to where these extra levels had gone. Anyway, it turns out that the extra levels are all under “challenge mode” and the description’s perfect. Each level seems to have been crafted with the purpose of initially appearing impossible. It’s a whole different experience though — solitary but equally satisfying.

I’ve also resumed my interest in the Gameboy Advance, after taking the somewhat hazardous choice of playing a game in its original Japanese. Not that I had the choice — I’m not that weird. I just really dislike the non-complete localisation of games, especially when they’re from Nintendo and exceptionally fun. Rhythm Tengoku is its name and, damn, it’s totally ruined my growing, seething hate of rhythm-action games. With a little occasional help the language hasn’t been much of a barrier to the core of the game. The other thing I’ve disliked about rhythm games is that it’s not the rhythm that I’m fighting with, it’s the number of different button positions I have to remember. Pop quiz: where’s the Square on the Playstation controller? How about the X? Now where’s the X on the Xbox360? Are you sure? Screw that — give me A, B, Start and a directional pad. If you don’t have a GBA or can’t take the Japanese, there’s a DS version called Rhythm Heaven coming out “Sometime in 2008″. A likely story…

So, I’d mentioned some time ago that my next computer would be a Mac. Well, My PC is finally showing its age and there’s these new sparkly MacBooks out now. I think that the only sensible course of action is to bite the bullet and cough up the Apple-tax. It served me well, since 2002 with only a graphics card update and a new drive. Six years is a long time in computing but, come on, it doesn’t even have PCI Express or SATA.

Anyway, the Mac (I went for a MacBook Pro) should turn up sometime this week. I’m excited!

I completed Professor Layton and the Curious Village and it was delightful. I don’t think I’ve ever played a puzzle game with such production values and polish on any platform, let alone a DS. The game feels like it’s a Nintendo-published game of Mario Galaxy quality.  Sure, the puzzles are nearly entirely arbitrarily cut into the story, but how else are you going to get 120 self-contained logic puzzles in one quite short story? I don’t care. It’s value for money.

I’m still playing Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 and Grand Theft Auto IV.

I survived Bestival, just about.

I was hoping, mostly, for a repeat of last year. I hoped to lay out on the ground, watching someone play on the bandstand, soak up the sun near our tents and watch the big acts come out in the evening and blow us away. In those respects, it was something of a failure… ’something’ meaning ‘the epitome of’. The only weather I soaked up was the rain and in many ways, for many people, it was a disaster. JPH’s flat-situation was particularly unwanted, causing him to have to leave early. In some respects, it was a great escape.

All paths turned into mud. Watery mud in the central areas, thicker, soft mud that you could lose a small child in and everything between covered the site. The pictures don’t do it justice. It was mud as far as the eye can see.

For those of us who continued in our bloody-minded mud-parade, there were some rewards. Aphex Twin was good, Underworld was great (but a little rushed) and Beardyman was superb. I’ve never seen someone take beat-boxing out of its genre without skipping a.. ugh.. beat. Using a sampler, he layered up his voice into Don’t Worry, Be Happy, Teardrop by Massive Attack and a load of techno in the middle. The guy’s a nut.

Each day got better and better though. Waking up on the last morning, the weather was as close to summer as it’s been this year. We packed our bags and struggled onto the ferry home, safe in the knowledge that we wouldn’t have to do that for at least another year.

I’m going to Bestival this weekend. Rain’s expected so I’ve bought some wellies and a waterproof coat. I’m probably going to end up covered in mud either way. Still, the line-up looks extraordinary. Aphex twin and Underworld are both required seeing but it’s not about choosing who to see, it’s accepting that there are a few that I’m going to have to miss.

Oh yeah. In other news, I’ve moved from my old mouldy flat to a new (to me) flat without. It’s also without internets until next week too… meh. It does have a TV reception though, which makes me feel like I’m some kind of neanderthal, watching the idiot-box, even if it is in high-def and as big as my car’s windscreen.

So close your eyes and imagine that this post is a PowerPoint presentation because it’s bullet points and imagine me expanding on each item. Thanks. Now open your eyes to read the rest.

• Batman was quite good.
• Geometry Wars 2 is excellent.
• Braid appears to be good.
• Bionic Commando is a total disappointment and doesn’t even deserve a link.
• No More Heroes is weird, good.
• I’m enjoying Flight of the Conchords
• I’m moving (to a flat adjacent to mine).
• I’m totally looking forward to Bestival.

I’m pretty sure something else significant has happened or will be happening any time soon but I can’t think what and I wanted to get this blog entry out because it feels like it’s turning into brain-crack.

Just look at how people are Using Photographs to Enhance Videos of a Static Scene instead. Check out the video. Someone should totally glue that and Photosynth together.

I saw WALL-E and Wanted since I last posted.

WALL-E’s great. It pushes the envelope that little bit like all Pixar’s good films do. The story’s great and Pixar manage to pull off the dialogue-free first 30 minutes effortlessly. The lack of robot-dialogue is not a complaint. It just couldn’t have been done better. I’m close to saying this is my favourite Pixar film yet. It’s pretty much made for me. The visuals need to be seen by anyone who has any interest in Jonathan Ive’s design or Chris Cunningham’s Björkbots.

I’m confused about Wanted. I originally saw the trailer because it looked hilariously bad and, sometimes, I just have to know. It starts off trying to be Office Space, then it’s Fight Club with guns, then it’s Snakes on a Plane, then it’s over. Never have the ingredients of so many good films created such a mess. It’s certainly watchable as there’s usually some kind of thing happening on screen but don’t expect it to know what kind of movie it is. It’s watchable but it’s also pretty much disposable, and that’s what it fails to see.

The Jordans Breakfast-in-a-bar is only a suitable breakfast if your idea of breakfast is a breakfast bar.

So I’d seen that episode of The Apprentice or Dragon’s Den or Capitalist Shits or whatever it’s called and this guy, pitches his Reggae Reggae Sauce. I was curious and not just about the name. Every judge said it was good. Anyway, they gave him some money and he went off and sold this sauce in Sainsbury’s.

Meanwhile, the electronic pogostick, vacuum-toothbrush and pillows shaped like breasts have failed to have any effect in the world. But the question is still burning. How good could a sauce be to convince these money lenders within seconds and secure its own place in supermarkets in weeks?

Yesterday, Subway provided me the opportunity to find out. Reggae Reggae Chicken 6″ Sub!

It was the most generic chilli sauce I’ve ever tasted and definitely the worst Subway sub I’ve ever had. And then I started thinking. How could it fail? It’s got some of the best advertising, for free, on a popular television show… wait! It’s not free. They gave money to Levi Roots to come on and show off his sauce. Bastards.

I hate products that seem to be able to maintain their existence through only being ever tried once. Especially this one as it’s clearly too spicy for me.

Okay, so Paradroid’s become my own personal reviewing site. I’m trying to change that but it’s not like much actually happens so, hey, you get what you’re given, starting with this exception. I had a week at home which went good and bad.

I met up with Tom and Leila, and went to Dorkbot which was bizarre and, unsurprisingly, was filled with dorks — me included. Leila’s doing a podcast which also has pictures and is pretty darn dope as the kids say. I also suffer from the same podcast-problem that others do which is that I need to be doing something else while I listen. I had a routine which was doing the washing up with the PC playing the latest through the stereo but I broke my soundcard and now a big backlog of iTunes mess is going to fart at me when I finally fix it.

I also visited JPH and watched The King Of Kong which I was unexpectedly excellent. We also saw one of the heats of the DMC London championship. It was ear-numbingly awesome. We also played Outrun.

Also, I took my car in to get repaired, got charged £562 for the pleasure and although the problem was fixed, it came out worse than when it went in. GREAT.

PS Super Smash Bros Brawl is pretty good.

I watched two films recently. PS I Love You and Charlie Bartlett. One I enjoyed and the other I didn’t. Charlie Bartlett was flawed but PS I Love You was fundamentally flawed.

Maybe it’s just not for me but who really is it for? Wives who’ve had their husband die? Wives who’ve had their husband die and then been sent a letter which then sends them on a treasure hunt to Ireland where there isn’t treasure but there are some more bloody letters. Oh piss off. I don’t care about your husband or these Irish songs.

Charlie Bartlett features prescription drugs, mischief and a drunk Robert Downey Junior waving a gun about. It’s pretty much Ferris Beuller’s year of attendance and, while not that good, it held my attention and I wanted to continue watching.

The benefit that I get from having watched both movies — one I liked and one I didn’t — allows me to place my IMDb threshold somewhere between 6.9 and 7.5. Each time I do this, I can home in on this exact decimal threshold of acceptableness. This means that I can find a point which, when a movie’s score matches or exceeds it, the movie will be guaranteed to entertain me. The only downside is that once this is done, I’ll have to live with the eternal fear of an exception lurking below.